5 hilarious statements that will take you back to a Nigerian childhood

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Growing up in Nigeria was an experience filled with unique traditions, unexpected wisdom, and sayings that were nothing short of hilarious. Here are five statements every Nigerian kid has either heard or said at some point. Prepare for a trip down memory lane and get ready to laugh at these childhood statements!

1. “Don’t write my name with red pen!”

A red pen was reserved for one thing and one thing only—disaster. Teachers used it to mark mistakes, circle errors, and scold you indirectly with their furious scribbles. So, the thought of seeing your name written in red pen could only mean something ominous. It felt like signing your own arrest warrant. Every Nigerian child was dead serious about it, like the pen color itself had some spiritual significance.

2. “Don’t point at me, my mummy and daddy are still alive!”

This one had all the mystery and superstition of ancient folklore wrapped up in one statement. Apparently, pointing at someone was seen as bad luck or disrespectful. So, if you ever made the mistake of pointing at a fellow child, you’d be quickly reminded that they had parents who were alive and well, and you’d better “uncross” that finger fast before things got awkward.

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3. “Why did you cross me? Oya, come and cross me back!”

Speaking of crossing, this one was a major social offense on the playground. If you happened to walk across someone’s path, even accidentally, you were immediately summoned back to “uncross” them. The logic behind this tradition was never really explained, but it seemed like something serious enough that you’d better do as you’re told—or risk social exile. Talk about high-stakes childhood etiquette!

4. “Don’t call my surname, my father is not your mate!”

This one was a badge of honor for every child trying to assert their family pride. In Nigeria, surnames carry weight, and calling someone by their surname felt like crossing a line into personal territory. By issuing this warning, kids were really saying, “Show some respect, my family name is sacred—and don’t even think about dragging my dad into this!” The comedy was in how passionately it was delivered, no matter how trivial the argument.

5. “Don’t touch my head, they don’t use to touch my head in my family!”

Heads were sacred in Nigerian culture, especially to kids. Let someone try to ruffle your hair or pat you on the head, and you’d be met with this timeless declaration. In reality, no one really knew why families supposedly banned head-touching. Maybe it was a superstition, or maybe it was just the perfect way to keep curious hands away from your carefully styled hair. Either way, it worked like magic!

These statements are just a few gems from the treasure trove of Nigerian childhood memories. They carried so much weight back then, but looking back now, they are nothing short of comedic gold.