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Believing that you would never be at loggerheads with your partner is a delusion. Those differences that you admire in one another will be the first point of conflict and disputes. You are two different partners coming into a relationship with love as your consensus. Both of you will most likely not have similar qualities other than being in love with another.
Humans have different backgrounds and beliefs so we are prone to arguments over trivial to big matters. Conflict arises but how we handle them is principal. I do not believe that couples must have someone settle their conflicts for them. Introducing a third party in conflict resolution would make you dependent on them instead of resolving conflicts yourself.
Besides, you likely got into a relationship with a partner without nobody’s help. There might have been a recommendation but no one can help you to have a relationship except you. You would have to have shown an agreement to some extent. You can seek pieces of advice from a third party but resist having them settle your disputes for you. Own your relationship.
Conflicts are necessary for a healthy relationship
Conflicts are not necessarily a red flag in a relationship. They are a means of airing your disapproval in a relationship instead of boxing them in. Do not be scared, conflicts might be the fine-tuning of your relationship. They do not always weaken your bond with your partner. Conflicts can strengthen your relationship.
The reason why conflicts escalate into separation or bigger issues is because they are not handled properly. Have the notion that your partner is not perfect same as you. You need to learn to tolerate your partner. Understanding your partner is key, that way you would not have to throw a tantrum as a result of a situation.
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The art of resolving conflict in a relationship
Knowing what your partner likes or not can help you avoid situations that can cause conflicts to err is human. Since we cannot prevent conflict from happening. We have got to look for viable ways to solve them with maximum resolution. There is no straight way to resolve conflicts but these are just guidelines.
1- When your partner expresses his or her displeasure towards an issue, avoid dismissing their claims the improper way. It is possible that you do not mean to act in a way that is displeasing to your partner but it happened. Instead of pulling off a defensive font to protect yourself, empathize with your partner’s disapproval and explain your side neutrally.
Your partner might have misinterpreted your actions. Instead of dismissing their claims, note them down and talk about the issue lovingly
2- Even when the argument is brewing, resist talking out of the wrong side of your emotions. Anger clouds judgment and would make one say what one would normally not say. Let your love for your partner be the filter that helps you sieve your words. You may be hurt, but once you get verbally abusive with your partner, it can be a vicious cycle that never ends.
Avoid saying words that might affect the self-esteem of your partner. You might not be able to undo it after your conflict resolution
3. Seek to hear each other out about the issue in view. You might not always agree with your partner but respect their views and make them feel heard. Discarding your partner’s view just because you think you are right is very unhealthy. If you say you care about a person and you do not care about what they think, it amounts to nothing.
Do not always be the constant winner in a debate or argument you have with your partner. Let them in some, you are not going to prison if you lose to them.
4. Be creative with your apologies. Desist from making regular apologies, it would look like you are giving them for giving sake. Let your apology reflect your sincerity without justifying yourself. At the end of your apology, your partner should feel that you are concerned about his or her feelings. Let them know that you understand the gravity of the situation.
Not like you are trying to bribe them but you can get a gift alongside when you are making an apology. It can be a bouquet, a necklace that symbolizes love, helping out with chores, a date or dinner, or anything you feel your partner would appreciate at the moment. This helps to resolve conflicts faster especially if receiving gifts is your partner’s love language.
5. Appreciate your partner for agreeing to settle with you always. Your partner reconciling with you is a sign that they still want to be with you. Even after the storm, they are willing to make the relationship work with you against all odds. They are ready to weather the storm with you.
It is a good sign that your partner wants to be with you after witnessing your flaws. There is nothing more romantic than this. Tell them how much that means to you and make them feel loved.
6. Put in the work to be a better person for your partner. Some behaviors do not have to be tolerated by your partner, you have to change. A toxic trait is not something your partner has to put up with. You have to show willingness and effort to change some of your characters that are not befitting.
You should also be patient with the process of change that your partner is undergoing. Remember, they have been that way before you met them so it might not be easy to get them to change. Acknowledge the work they are putting into changing and tell them how proud you are of them. Always tell your partner how much you still love them after conflicts.
Romantic relationships can be the toughest relationships to keep. It takes more than love to keep going. April is the National Couples Appreciation Month, take time to reflect on the things your partner does and sweetly appreciate them.
Write them sweet notes and letters, you can make your love anew. Doing this will keep your strength level at optimum, then when you face any challenge, there is enough juice to keep going.
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