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I love you is not by mouth. What have you given to show it?
Gifting in a relationship is as important as love itself. It is not more important than love but gifting is an expression of love—some people’s love language is known through gifting.
But you should also know that some people’s love language is receiving gifts not giving gifts- do I hear you say that is the love language of most Nigerian women? They say you can make a Nigerian woman happy by giving her money.
Some people find it difficult to know what to give in a relationship. They only think of money as a gift.
Most people think you can also gift your romantic partners only monetary and material things in a relationship. Others believe money is more important than love to sustain a romantic relationship. Some ladies stipulate an amount of money their man must be earning so that he can maintain their beauty. But what do they bring to the table apart from themselves? Maybe nothing. When some people hear love, they think about billing next.
GIfting shows that you are thinking of your partner even when they are not with you. Your gifts remind them of you such that when they see it, they remember you. Your thoughts of love should be expressed in a material thing, one your partner can hold on to. Gifts are visual symbols of love. Gary Chapman, a veteran marriage counselor, in his book, The Five Love Languages, examined diverse cultures and how anthropologists could not help but notice their consistent giving practice.
What are gifts?
Gifts are thoughtful expressions of love so they can come in different sizes, colors, and sizes. Your gift must be significant to your partner. It must be within your capability and must hold a considerable level of thoughtfulness. If you go out of your pocket or way to get a gift for your partner, it will hold a deep place in the heart of your partner.
According to Gary Chapman, gifts may be purchased, bought, or found. People who have artists as partners will find it so romantic when their partners paint or draw them as a gift. Others who have poets as partners will feel loved when their partner writes them a love poem. Musicians write, dedicate, and sing songs about their partners.
Not like there is a rule on what to give your romantic partner, but according to the New York Times Bestseller, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, the things you can give your partner are divided into 2 groups.
What you can give your partner
1. The Gift of Money
There is no stinginess in love. Being responsible in love makes you an effective giver in a relationship. To be an effective giver, you need to change your attitude about money. You need to invest in your relationship. Your relationship serves your emotional needs and makes you whole in love.
Purchasing gifts for your partner is the best investment you can make for your partner primarily if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts. You are meeting the emotional needs of your partner. Your partner delights in the representation of your love for him or her. It takes your relationship to a whole new dimension.
‘Don’t worry about your savings. You will always be a saver, but to invest in your loving spouse is to invest in blue-chip stocks”. Even if your partner appreciates non-monetary gifts rather than monetary gifts, still make sure they have monetary expressions of your love. To Nigerian women who are in the delusion that only men are supposed to give out money or monetary gifts to their partners, you are very wrong.
2. The Gift of Self
The gift of self is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more than material gifts. Gary Chapman calls it the gift of presence. You being there for your partner speaks a lot about how you care for them. Showing up right before their small performance before their office workers would mean a lot. Some partners prioritize this over receiving gifts. Your presence when it matters would mean a lot to them.
‘Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.’
For people whose love language is the presence of their partner, please verbalize that to your partner. It would make them more intentional about being there for you. Tell them how much you need them to show up for you when you go out for outreach. Ring to their ears how much you would love to see them in your important family functions.
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What to do if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts in a relationship
Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages gives 7 tips on how to effectively gift your partner.
1. Try a parade of gifts.
Leave your spouse their favorite snack in the morning or perhaps make breakfast for them. Probably at noon on your way back from work, you can get flowers or a small piece of jewelry or a shirt for them. Get something that might be small in concession but relays your thoughts of love.
2. Let nature be your guide.
We see more of this in Western culture than the African culture. Africans think they have outgrown their appeal to nature but we undermine our connectivity to nature.
A budding flower attached with a note is a thoughtful gift for your partner. Most people lament the cost of a bouquet and its hindrance to making them romantic but there is a way out. You need to have a garden. From your garden every morning, you can get a plant or flower to relay your thoughtfulness to your partner.
3. Discover the value of ‘handmade originals’.
Creatives like potters, painters, wood carvers, and other creatives might find this easier than others but we all have the seed of creativity in us. You can mold an object for your spouse, remember it does not have to be perfect, it is the thoughtfulness that counts. Gary advises enrolling in arts or crafts classes to learn how to make your spouse a gift
4. Give your spouse a gift every day for one week.
You might choose a week to gift your partner something all the days of that week. That week is going to hold a special place in the heart of your partner. They would continue to reference that week. You cannot keep doing this but make sure you keep this act in your gifting schedule.
5. Keep a ‘Gift Idea Notebook.’
Your spouse might have given you a clue of what they might want next in your regular conversations. Gary in his book said that every time you hear your partner say: ‘ I really like that ‘ or ‘ Oh, I would really like to have one of those!’ write it down in your notebook. And by the end of the week, you will discover you have a list of things to gift your partner that would hold a space in their heart.
6. Ask a friend or family member what to gift your partner
Other people might know your partner well as a result of conversations or time spent together. They would help to give you ideas if you are confused about what to give your partner. It might be your partner’s co-workers or parents.
7. Offer the gift of presence.
Tell your spouse how interested you are in their upcoming event and how much you want to be there for them. This registers your presence in your partner’s heart. Stay positive and even if you are not as interested in your partner’s event, you are interested in your partner. Keep showing up for them, it makes it more thoughtful.
8. Give your spouse a book and agree to read it yourself.
Choose a book both of you are very much interested in. Then offer to discuss each chapter per week. That way, you guys are connecting and gifting each other your presence. In place of a book, it might be a movie you both are interested in.
9. Give a lasting tribute.
Register your interest in your partner’s favorite charity or religious institution by donating to them or giving a substantial gift. Do it in honor of their birthdays, your anniversary, or any other occasion. You can do it in their name or both of yours.
10. Give a living gift.
You can plant a tree or give a pet animal to your spouse. Reaffirm your love for your spouse with a living entity. It will remind your partner of your overwhelming love. You can plant a tree which can later serve as a cool spot for dates.
The idea of gifting is for both partners in a relationship and not subject to one gender alone. Let us not be too dependent on special days to brew the need to gift our partner something. Giving gifts on random days ends up being thoughtful. You do not have to limit your gifts to material or monetary things. Be creative when gifting things and use your knowledge of your spouse in choosing gifts for them. It is really easy to fall in love but gifting is one of the things that make your stay in love easier.
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