Moving in with a partner before marriage, commonly known as cohabitation, is a topic that sparks heated debates worldwide. In Nigeria, where cultural and religious values play a significant role in shaping social expectations, this practice is generally frowned upon. However, in some Western societies, cohabitation is becoming more common, with couples seeing it as a way to “test” their relationship before marriage. But is this really the right approach? This article critically examines why moving in with a partner before marriage is problematic, considering the moral, psychological, social, and even economic implications.
1. Cultural and religious considerations
In Nigeria and many other African societies, marriage is not just a union between two individuals but a bond that involves families and, in many cases, an entire community. Religious beliefs, both Christian and Islamic, strongly discourage cohabitation before marriage. The Bible explicitly states that sex should be reserved for marriage (Hebrews 13:4), and Islam equally upholds the principle of avoiding close interaction between unmarried men and women to prevent immorality.
Culturally, many Nigerian families view cohabitation as a sign of disrespect, especially to the woman’s family. A woman who moves in with a man before marriage is often perceived as “cheap” or as someone who has given away her dignity without a formal commitment. Parents and extended family members may refuse to recognize the relationship, leading to strained family ties.
Even outside Nigeria, many societies still uphold traditional values that frown upon cohabitation before marriage. In parts of Asia, the Middle East, and even Latin America, families expect marriage before cohabitation, seeing it as the proper way to establish a home.
2. Psychological and emotional consequences
Many couples move in together thinking it will strengthen their relationship, but research suggests otherwise. Studies have shown that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to experience dissatisfaction in their relationship and a higher risk of divorce. This is often referred to as the “cohabitation effect.” The reason is simple: when couples live together before marriage, they often slide into a commitment rather than making a conscious decision to marry. They become accustomed to the convenience of living together, but without the firm foundation of marriage, the relationship lacks the long-term security needed to withstand challenges.
Additionally, cohabitation can create emotional instability. Without the security of a legal and societal commitment, either partner can walk away at any time, leaving the other feeling abandoned or used. For women, the emotional toll can be even greater, especially in cases where they have invested more in the relationship, either financially or emotionally, only to be left heartbroken when things don’t work out.
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3. Lack of legal and social protection
Marriage comes with legal rights that protect both partners, especially in the case of separation or death. In Nigeria, customary and statutory laws recognize the rights of a legally married spouse in issues of inheritance, property division, and even child custody. However, cohabiting partners do not enjoy these protections.
If a woman lives with a man for years without getting legally married, she has no claim to his property if he passes away or decides to end the relationship. This is a reality many women have faced, where they dedicate their youth and resources to a relationship only to be left with nothing when the man moves on.
In contrast, a legally married spouse has recognized rights in inheritance laws. Even in Western countries where cohabitation is more accepted, partners often struggle with legal complications in cases of breakups, especially when children or shared properties are involved.
4. The risk of premature parenthood
Cohabitation increases the likelihood of unplanned pregnancies, which can lead to serious complications for both partners. In Nigeria, a woman who becomes pregnant outside marriage often faces stigma and rejection, not just from society but sometimes from the man’s family. Many young women have been abandoned by their partners after getting pregnant, forcing them to raise children alone.
Even when both partners remain together, raising a child without a stable marital structure can create challenges. The child may grow up in an environment where the father and mother are uncertain about their future together. Studies have shown that children born into stable marriages tend to have better emotional and psychological well-being compared to those raised in cohabiting households where separation is a common occurrence.
5. Financial risks and economic burden
Another overlooked problem with cohabitation is the financial risk, especially for women. In many cases, women take on domestic responsibilities similar to those of a wife, such as cooking, cleaning, and even financial contributions, without the benefits that come with marriage. This often leads to exploitation, where a man enjoys the benefits of a wife without making any legal or long-term commitment.
Furthermore, cohabitation can create financial instability. Couples who live together without a clear financial plan or shared long-term goals may struggle with economic stress. Unlike married couples who tend to plan their finances together, cohabiting couples often operate independently, leading to conflicts over money management.
6. The Illusion of a “trial marriage”
One common argument in favor of cohabitation is that it allows couples to “test” their compatibility before marriage. However, this idea is flawed. A successful marriage is not based on whether two people can live together comfortably but on shared values, commitment, and the ability to navigate challenges.
Cohabitation does not guarantee that a marriage will work. In fact, it can do the opposite—giving partners the false sense that marriage is simply about living together rather than about a lifelong commitment. Many couples who live together for years find it difficult to transition into marriage, leading to long-term uncertainty.
Conclusion
While some may argue that cohabitation allows couples to know each other better before marriage, the risks far outweigh the benefits. From a cultural and religious perspective, cohabitation goes against deeply held values. Psychologically, it can lead to emotional instability and a higher risk of separation. Legally and socially, it offers no protection to the partners involved. Economically, it places many women in vulnerable positions, and in the long run, it does not prepare couples for a successful marriage.
Marriage is meant to be a deliberate and meaningful commitment, not an arrangement based on convenience. Instead of moving in together before marriage, couples should focus on building their relationship through proper courtship, deep conversations, and shared values. This ensures a stronger foundation for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
