On loyalty, managers and the facade of ‘family’

One of the traits most managers imbibe in a cutthroat capitalist world is to say that their team is “like a family.” They’ll welcome people to the company family or say that we’re all one big happy family here.

Their intentions aren’t all bad. They’re trying to foster a culture of empathy, loyalty, and trust. They want to instill a sense of belonging with their people.

Yet your company’s not your family. And it’s important to remember that.

When CEOs promote the family mentality, they’re trying to instill a sense of loyalty to the organization. If someone in your family’s in trouble, you don’t think twice about helping them. If this becomes the workplace culture, it pushes people to put in more time and effort whenever the company needs it.

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If your boss asks you to change your schedule at the last minute or work late, you need to support. After all, that’s what families do. If your company needs you to cut short your vacation, you’re doing it for your family. It’s a clear recipe for exploitation and burnout.

This loyalty also tends to be one-sided. Your boss is happy to promote it as long as you’re sacrificing more for the company’s bottom line. Yet the moment he needs to let you go for the good of the company, no one’s talking about family relationships. You’re a family as long as it’s convenient for management.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. A healthy level of accountability is good. If we want to work in high-performing organizations, we need clear performance expectations and consequences.

None of this means you shouldn’t care for the people you work with or go out of your way to help them. You should. Just as they would for you. We can all be kind, respectful, and empathetic with our colleagues without branding them as family members.

Reed Hastings described Netflix as “at team, not a family,” in his famous presentation on the company culture. He said, “Netflix leaders hire, develop and cut smartly, so we have stars in every position.”

A great team is united around a common mission. Each player understands their role and the expectations that go with it. There are shared goals, sacrifice, and belonging, all coupled with a strong sense of accountability.

The key is that the accountability goes both ways. Strong players leave poorly managed teams and bad coaches. They push back on unreasonable expectations. Mutual accountability ensures mutual benefit.

Focus on being a team. Because your company’s not your family