#OS: Love for sale and the cost of materialism, transactional relationships in Nigeria

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Over the past few days, social media has been buzzing with men boasting about their escapades with prostitutes, proudly claiming it’s now “cheaper” to pay for sex than to date Nigerian girls. This narrative, driven by frustrations with what these men see as the over-materialistic tendencies of some Nigerian women, has left me grappling with some deeply unsettling questions. Is sex the ultimate foundation of every relationship? Are men destined to be the sole providers in relationships? And what does this shift in attitudes mean for the moral fabric of our society, especially marriage?

It’s hard to ignore how materialism has crept into modern dating culture in Nigeria. Many young women have openly embraced the notion that a man must “spend to earn.” Expensive gifts, fancy dinners, and cash “support” are now expected prerequisites for romance. To some extent, I understand where this expectation comes from. Nigeria’s tough economy has left many women feeling that a relationship should provide not just emotional support, but financial stability as well. However, when love is reduced to a transaction, it leaves little room for genuine intimacy.

Men, on the other hand, are also guilty of perpetuating this cycle. Many have used wealth as bait to attract women, seeing their ability to provide as a measure of their masculinity. But now, disillusioned by the increasing “cost” of dating, some men are opting for what they see as a cheaper and less emotionally taxing option: paying for sex.

The emphasis on sex in these conversations makes me wonder: has sex become the sole driver of relationships? Relationships should be built on companionship, mutual respect, shared goals, and emotional intimacy. But for many, it seems sex has been elevated to a transactional commodity—something to be bargained for, rather than an expression of love and connection. This mindset is dangerous. It erodes the very essence of what relationships should be. If we reduce relationships to financial transactions and physical satisfaction, we rob ourselves of the depth and beauty of true companionship.

The notion that men must always be the providers in a relationship is another deeply ingrained societal expectation that deserves scrutiny. While it is true that many Nigerian men pride themselves on being “breadwinners,” the reality is that modern relationships work best when both partners contribute in meaningful ways. In today’s world, where women are increasingly educated and financially independent, clinging to the outdated idea that men should shoulder all responsibilities is not only unfair but unsustainable.

Yet, I also believe that some women exploit this traditional role to their advantage. Demanding lavish gifts or financial support without contributing meaningfully to a relationship creates a one-sided dynamic. Relationships thrive on reciprocity. Both partners must bring something to the table—whether it’s emotional support, financial stability, or shared effort in building a future.

ALSO READ

• How casual sex may be shifting intimacy, emotional connection
• Why it is dangerous to test sexual compatibility before marriage
• 5 Nigerian men tell us how to stop being a simp
• Ladies, here’s why having even your money may not make your man respect you
• 5 important things a Nigerian woman must consider before raising a child alone

What worries me most is the implication of these trends for the moral fabric of our society. Prostitution, whether we like to admit it or not, is now being normalized as a viable “alternative” to relationships. This normalization risks eroding the sanctity of marriage and the values that hold families together.

Marriage, at its core, is a partnership rooted in love, trust, and commitment. But if relationships continue to be seen as transactional, what hope do we have for marriages that last? If men increasingly see women as financial liabilities or sex objects, and women see men as ATMs, how can we build homes that nurture love and respect?

As a society, we need to recalibrate our values. First, we must teach both men and women that relationships are about partnership, not exploitation. Parents, religious leaders, and educators must emphasize the importance of building connections based on respect and shared goals rather than material gain.

Second, we need to challenge harmful stereotypes. Men should not feel pressured to prove their worth through excessive spending, and women should not feel entitled to demand financial favors in exchange for companionship. Instead, both parties should strive for fairness and understanding.

Lastly, we need to stop glorifying sex as the centerpiece of relationships. Emotional intimacy, trust, and shared purpose should take precedence. By shifting the focus away from superficial metrics of success—like wealth or sexual prowess—we can begin to heal the fractured dynamics of modern relationships.

The current state of relationships in Nigeria reflects deeper societal issues: materialism, gender inequality, and the erosion of moral values. But I believe that change is possible if we’re willing to confront these issues honestly. Relationships, whether casual or committed, should be spaces where both men and women feel valued, respected, and supported—not battlegrounds of exploitation or mere avenues for fulfilling desires.

The question is, are we ready to embrace this change? Or will we continue down this path, risking the very fabric that holds our society together? The choice is ours.