What I’ve learnt from talking to married men in Nigeria

As a young man who’s keen on having a successful marriage and strongly believes that marriage is not a scam, I always look forward to talking to married men who have been with their wives for a number of years spanning a decade and more.

What I’ve learnt from them is insightful and worth sharing:

Marry a woman who loves you more than you love her

“It’s better to marry a woman who loves you more than you do,” one said as his first advice to me. “When a woman loves you, she’ll do everything, I mean everything to make the marriage work,” he added.

Another said, “the success or failure of a home or marriage often depends on the woman, on your wife.”

It then occurred to me that that’s why most of the married men that I listened to emphasize that when a woman loves a man more than the man loves her, the marriage becomes smooth sailing.

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Never cheat on your wife

Most of them have the same belief about infidelity: no matter how sexually tempted you are, never cheat on your wife. You’ll begin to lose affection for her as soon as you start. And if she finds out, that’s when your home begins to fall apart gradually.

Not cheating on your wife also means you don’t do anything without her knowledge. “Stay completely loyal to your wife,” one said.

“Do not give her room to doubt your faithfulness,” another man said.

Treat your wife as your best friend and equal, not as your subordinate

One of them who’s way older said, “Do not Lord over your wife. Do not treat her as inferior to you.”

In other words, make her your friend, your best friend with whom you can share issues and laugh. You should respect her and value her opinions and insights. Never dismiss anything your wife tells you or is concerned about as irrelevant.

Lastly, do not make her feel starved of anything: money, love, sex, affection. “If you see a wife as your demi god, you’ll treat her and ‘worship’ her better,” one said.

“Women blossom in the atmosphere of love,” one of the men concluded.