Modern feminists and liberals has effectively demonised huge age-gaps in romantic relationships with buzzwords such as predator and prey, manipulation, gaslighting and all other modern nonsense. Hereās why I donāt appreciate the noise.
I want to know TWO things before Iāll endorse relationships. Two things and two things only. One. Are you both adults? Two. Do you both consent to the relationship? Thatās it. Thatās all I need to know. Any and all other considerations are yours and yours alone to work out between you.
Iāve taken a stand thatās broadly in line with my ānone of my businessā approach; I donāt care what people do in their own time as long as it doesnāt interfere with my life. I would prefer people to have excellent and balanced relationships based on respect and trust, but I canāt mandate it ā and so I wonāt.
Nonetheless, most of the demonisation of men in relationships makes you think either think adult women are not adults, or you think theyāre delicate little creatures that need protecting from the vicissitudes of life.
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You canāt have it both ways. The reason you canāt have it both ways, because weāre either in the process of empowering women or disempowering them. We canāt empower people to get things right and then disempower them when they fuck up. You get one or the other, binary choice.
People make shit decisions all the time especially in relationships. I have a list of shit decisions made across my life. Some of those things happened because of my inexperience in making said choices plus a total lack of foresight. Some of those choices involved other people and some of those choices involved the machinations and nefarious actions of other people.
At the end of each messy situation, there should be a moment of recognition of your own part to play in what unfolded. If you conclude at all times youāre the victim of everything and everyone, you havenāt done a full enough analysis of what transpired.
Let me be clearā¦ If youāre an adult looking back at an unhappy time in your life because of a previous relationship with an older partner, youāre absolutely allowed to regret the said relationship. You can absolutely look back and sayā¦. āfuck, that was a bad thing we didā ā but the emphasis must be on the words āwe didā.
Why? Because you are an empowered human and one half of a poor decision-making team. The narrative that has you solely as the victim does you no favours at all.
You mightāve been the inexperienced member of the team, the minor partner, you couldāve been swept away by the sheer excitement of it all and not heeded the warnings given to you by othersā¦ Provided you consented and you were an adult, getting into the relationship was one thing and one thing only.
A shit choice.
Now Iām not going to endorse the terrible things people do to each other throughout relationships. People can be, and often are, awful ā but someone elseās malevolence does not allow you off the hook of poor decision-making in the first instance. Warning signs were missed. Youth and inexperience can be mitigated by careful attention to your own thought patterns and motivation.
I can appreciate thatās a tough pill for a lot of folks to swallow. A lot of people have jumped in to talk about how they were manipulated and dicked around by others. Particularly those who were older than themselves. This always seems to be where āthe other person shouldāve known betterā and never contains any further analysis.
These people then term such relationships as āabusiveā or āimbalancedā. I draw the line. Itās not abusive by virtue of its existence. Two adults getting into a mutually consensual relationship is not āabusiveā. It has the potential to become so certainlyāmeaning younger adults must factor their inexperience into their thinking before they make a choice. When in doubt, seek advice.
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Felix Pius
14/02/2022 at 11:07 pmAge is just a number