Ex-BBN Star Khafi on Life, Love and Bereavement

Vivian Adeyemo recently sat down with the effervescent and pretty former Big Brother Naija star Khafi, to discuss life after BBN, coping with bereavement, finding love with Gedoni, the future and why she considers herself a bi-coastal ‘Brigerian’ ie. British and Nigerian.

The final of this year’s BBN is fast approaching. If you were glued to last year’s series, then you would have failed to miss one of its break out stars, Khafilat Kareem aka Khafi.

A Cup of Khafi

The 30 year old, multi-talented ex-housemate is originally from Ekiti state, Nigeria. She resides in the UK, where she was raised. The multi-lingual, and articulate beauty is fluent in English, Yoruba, French, Italian and sign language.

Khafi joined the London Metropolitan Police force, 10 years ago, as a police constable after volunteering as a special constable. The ex-BBN star, acts, writes and presents on TV and radio. She has a YouTube channel called ‘A Cup of Khafi‘ which she uses to promote her own unique brand of positivity, inspiration and motivation.

She is engaged to fellow BBN ex-housemate, Gedoni Ekpata and they are due to tie the knot in 2021.

I’m Still Khafi

So how has life changed since leaving the BBNaija house?

Life has changed but I’m still the same person. I’m still me, I’m still Khafi. People that knew me before the ‘house’, have attested to that. I am still the same person.

There are obviously more people who support what I do, I have a beautiful ‘family’ of people. I don’t even call them my fans, they are my ‘family’, because they are supporting me and are behind me.

I’m also still doing what I love, but now I have a bigger audience with which to share it with.

Be True to Yourself

What was the biggest lesson you took away from the experience?

The biggest lesson was that you won’t always be everyone’s cup of tea. I’m known as ‘A Cup of Khafi’ and before the house I always wanted to be palatable to everybody and be everybody’s friend. Its important to stay true to who you are. I’ve realized that some people will support you, just by being who you are. You don’t have to conform to fit into everyone’s expectations.

There are certain things that are expected of Big Brother housemates or celebrities, things like flaunting your skin etc. If for example, I put out pictures with my breasts out – I know I will attract a lot of followers. I don’t have to resort to doing that and people still support me. Its important to be true to yourself. That is definitely one of the takeaways.

Bereavement is a Process

Tragically, in June this year, Khafi lost her youngest brother, 20 year old, Alexander Kareem to gun violence in West London in a case of mistaken identity.

How have you (and your family) managed to cope in the last few weeks with the difficult challenges that you have recently faced?

In true honesty, we are still not coping – we are not quite there yet. Bereavement is a process and it is important to allow yourself to go through that process.

It still feels very fresh every day. I trust in God, I have a prayer session on YouTube everyday. I haven’t stopped praying since my brother died. I’ve been praying because sometimes that’s the only thing you can do.

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I believe that God will heal me in a way that he knows how. I don’t think its something you can ever get over, but God will enable you to deal with it better as time goes on.

My advice to anyone going through bereavement, would be to trust God, the pain will get better. There are different stages of grief, you don’t necessarily go through each stage. You need to be easy on yourself and just allow yourself to hurt, allow yourself to cry and be honest with yourself. You will be OK and God will let you be OK.

Looking to the Future

What is in the pipeline for Khafi? (What are your future plans?)

I still want to have my own travel show, but obviously with Covid-19, that just brought everything that I planned for the year to a halt, because it involved travelling and nobody could travel! However, I definitely want to keep doing that.

I’ve released a workbook called “The Goal Getters Comeback Workbook”, which is for everybody who has gone through this year. This year has been tough for all of us. Its about getting back on track. That’s what I want to focus on, helping people get their goals and helping people to go after their dreams.

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If this year has taught me anything, its taught me that this life is to be lived. I want to help people live this life. So many of us are just existing rather than living. I want to focus on helping people do that.

I’ve also released my short film “Torn”, part 2 will be out very soon. I will be doing more acting and I also hope to work with lots of different brands – but my passion is to help people. I really want to focus on people.

Life is Short

You are bubbly, exuberant and have such a positive energy, what motivates you each day?

I honestly just try to see the positive in everything. Life is short, I just try to stay positive. I’m not always positive, even when I feel down some days, I allow myself to feel it and I know its not going to last for ever. My motivation is God, you realize this life is so fickle, God is bigger than everything, and knowing who I am and whose I am, enables me to carry on. I am a daughter of the King. I keep my mind focussed on him!

What is your biggest accomplishment to date and why? (What are you most proud of?)

My biggest accomplishment is becoming a police officer at the age of 20. This was despite everybody discouraging me from becoming one, due to being a young, black female. It was something I never thought I would be able to do, but I was able to rise against everybody’s criticisms and fears. It was something I wanted to do and I achieved it.

Who is your biggest inspiration and why?

My mum. I’ve seen everything she has gone through and everything she has had to deal with in her life. She is definitely my biggest inspiration, she keeps me going and she keeps me grounded. She has done so much – I am my mother’s child. Who I am today is because of her.

Finding Love

At what point did you know Gedoni was the one?

It was definitely when we both first got saved from eviction in the BB house. I was beginning to like him in that first week in the house, but I was still very suspicious, because I was wary of men in general! However, when we were both in the bottom four and were saved from eviction, I felt that God was saying that this will be your partner to go through this thing with. I didn’t realize at the time, that it would be outside the house too! At that point, I stopped putting up barriers and allowed what was going to happen – happen. I then realized in time, that God not only wanted us to do this thing together but also do life together!

What qualities endeared you to him?

He is a good man – calm, grounded and level headed. He is funny and makes me laugh. I respect him – he is my best friend.

Which is your favourite city, London or Lagos and why?

I call myself Brigerian. British and Nigerian. When I first came out of the house, I was only identifying with being Nigerian. I only stayed in Nigeria. I’ve always wanted to live in Nigeria – I love Nigeria. However, being back in London for this lock down period, I really felt like I love London as well. Both places offer different things. I love both London and Lagos. I’m bi-coastal. I’m a bi-coastal Brigerian!

For more on Khafi, you can follow her on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube channel.