In life, I have come to understand that emotions are an essential part of being human. They make us who we are. Whether we are happy, sad, angry, or frustrated, our feelings are valid because they reflect our inner world. However, I believe it is also crucial to realize that while we cannot control how we feel, we are fully responsible for how we behave. This delicate balance between feeling and action often shapes the kind of person we become, and it plays a significant role in how others perceive us. In Nigeria, where emotions sometimes run high due to the many challenges we face, this balance is especially important.
Living in a society where survival is tough for many, emotions can be raw and unfiltered. From the frustration of a Lagos traffic jam to the heartbreak of delayed salaries, there are countless triggers for anger and disappointment. I understand these feelings because I have experienced them myself. When I had to queue for hours to withdraw cash during the cash scarcity crisis, I felt deeply frustrated. My feelings were valid. After all, it was a difficult situation. However, I noticed how some people handled similar frustrations. Shouting at bank officials or pushing others in line became a common sight. While their anger was justifiable, their behavior wasn’t excusable. It reminded me that emotions, no matter how powerful, cannot justify harmful actions.
In my opinion, it is easy to use feelings as an excuse for bad behavior, especially in a culture like ours where emotions are not often openly discussed. When someone reacts aggressively, the default explanation is often, “I was angry,” or “I was hurt.” These statements may be true, but they do not make the behavior acceptable. For instance, if someone insults another person in the heat of an argument, the insult may leave a lasting scar long after the anger has subsided. I once witnessed this at a family gathering where two relatives had a disagreement. One spoke harsh words out of anger, words they later regretted. Even though they apologized, the damage had been done, and the relationship remained strained for months. This made me reflect on how our actions, driven by emotions, can create long-term consequences.
As Nigerians, we are taught to respect others, especially our elders, and to control our behavior in public. Yet, this cultural value sometimes clashes with the harsh realities of daily life. When a market trader yells at a customer because of a misunderstanding, or when a frustrated parent beats a child too harshly, these are behaviors that stem from valid feelings of stress or worry. But do these actions solve the problem? In my experience, they only make things worse. The customer might leave, and the child might grow up resenting the parent. We need to remind ourselves that while our emotions are natural, the way we act on them determines whether we improve or worsen a situation.
One area where I see this dynamic play out is in our relationships. In Nigeria, many couples struggle with communication. I have seen situations where one partner feels unappreciated and reacts by withdrawing affection or becoming overly critical. The feelings of hurt and neglect are valid, but the resulting behavior can damage the relationship further. I have learned from my own experiences that expressing emotions constructively, rather than reacting impulsively, can save a lot of trouble. For instance, when I feel upset with someone close to me, I try to take a moment to calm down before addressing the issue. This way, I can focus on finding solutions rather than making accusations.
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Another example that stands out to me is how Nigerians express frustration with the government. It is not uncommon to see protests or angry comments on social media. These feelings of anger and disappointment are valid because people feel let down by those in power. But sometimes, the way this frustration is expressed—through violence or hateful speech—distracts from the real issues. Instead of leading to meaningful change, it can cause further division. I believe that constructive dialogue and peaceful advocacy are more effective ways to push for progress.
I also think our upbringing plays a role in how we manage the connection between feelings and behavior. Many Nigerians grow up in homes where emotional expression is discouraged. I remember being told as a child not to cry or complain too much because it was seen as a sign of weakness. This kind of upbringing teaches people to bottle up their emotions, which can later explode in unhealthy ways. I believe it is time to change this narrative. Parents and teachers should encourage children to express how they feel while guiding them on appropriate ways to behave. For example, if a child is angry because they lost a game, instead of scolding them for their outburst, an adult could teach them to use words like, “I feel upset because I wanted to win.” This simple practice can help the child understand that their feelings are valid but must be expressed responsibly.
In a country as diverse as Nigeria, where different cultures and traditions coexist, learning to manage emotions and behavior is crucial for social harmony. When people from different backgrounds interact, misunderstandings are bound to happen. If everyone acted impulsively based on their emotions, conflicts would escalate. However, I have seen how showing restraint and empathy can make a big difference. For example, during my youth service year, I worked in a community where I was initially seen as an outsider. There were moments when I felt unwelcome, but instead of reacting negatively, I chose to remain respectful and patient. Over time, the community warmed up to me, and we built a good relationship. This experience taught me that managing behavior, even in the face of strong emotions, can lead to positive outcomes.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that while our feelings are always valid, our behavior must be intentional and considerate. In Nigeria, where emotions often run high due to societal pressures, it is important to remember this distinction. By acknowledging our feelings and taking responsibility for our actions, we can build better relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and create a more harmonious society. It is not an easy journey, but it is one we must embark on if we want to make our emotions work for us, rather than against us. After all, it is not just how we feel that defines us, but how we choose to act despite those feelings.
