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Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional manipulation in relationships. It’s when your partner makes you question your own reality, memory, or feelings, making you feel confused, guilty, or even crazy. Many people don’t even realize they’re being gaslit until they’ve already lost confidence in themselves. But how do you know if your partner is gaslighting you? Here are five clear signs.
1. They make you doubt your memory
A gaslighting partner will often deny things they’ve said or done, even when you clearly remember them. For example, you might remind them of a hurtful comment they made, but they respond with, “I never said that. You must be imagining things.” Or they might insist something happened differently from how you remember it, making you second-guess yourself. Over time, this constant rewriting of events can make you feel like you can’t trust your own mind.
If you find yourself constantly questioning your memory because your partner always denies past conversations or actions, it’s a red flag.
2. They dismiss your feelings
When you express your emotions, a gaslighter will dismiss them as irrational or overdramatic. If you say you’re hurt by something they did, they might respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re always overreacting.” This tactic makes you feel like your emotions are invalid and that you should ignore your own pain.
The goal is to make you believe that the problem isn’t their behavior—it’s you. Over time, you may start suppressing your feelings because you fear being labeled as unreasonable.
3. They shift the blame to you
Gaslighters rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they twist the situation to make you feel guilty for bringing up an issue in the first place. For example, if they hurt you with their words, instead of apologizing, they might say, “Well, if you hadn’t provoked me, I wouldn’t have said that.”
This is a dangerous cycle because it forces you to constantly justify your feelings and actions while excusing their bad behavior. In the end, you may find yourself apologizing when you were actually the one who was wronged.
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4. They isolate you from others
One of the most effective ways gaslighters maintain control is by making sure you don’t have a support system. They might subtly discourage you from spending time with family and friends, saying things like, “They don’t really care about you,” or “They’re just jealous of our relationship.”
By cutting you off from people who could validate your experiences, they make sure you have no one to confirm that their behavior is wrong. This isolation makes it easier for them to manipulate you without interference.
5. They change the subject when confronted
Whenever you try to hold them accountable for their actions, they quickly change the subject or turn the argument around. Instead of addressing your concerns, they might bring up a completely unrelated issue or accuse you of doing the same thing.
For instance, if you call them out for lying, they might say, “What about that time you forgot to call me back? You’re no better than me.” This tactic distracts you from the original problem and forces you to defend yourself instead.
What you can can do if your partner is gaslighting you
If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it’s imortant to trust your instincts. Keep a journal of events to track patterns, talk to trusted friends or a therapist, and set cear boundaries. Gaslighting thrives in secrecy and confusion—once you see it for what it is, you can take steps to protect yourself.
