Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
P.S. Looking at bullying from the bully’s perspective does not mean that we support the act.
The Nigerian social media world witnessed a video of a girl named, Maryam bullying her fellow student, Namtira at Lead British School. Well, it is easy to say that Maryam, the bully is the bad person. But, let us count the costs on both sides.
The bully loses a lot more than we think- her reputation, self-esteem, relationships, and more. The bully should not only be condemned but looked after. Instead of judging the situation, let us see to it that the victim of the bully does not become a bully because it is very much possible for the sides to turn.
What is bullying?
Bullying can appear in trivial ways that we discard. It does not have to come in the form of someone beating another person up or causing bodily harm before it is regarded as bullying. The Anti-Bullying Alliance defines bullying from an experience of 30 years of research,
‘The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.’
According to this definition, the act has to be repetitive and continuous. It is in the bullying psychology that a bully does not bully a person once, it is a continual event. Most time, the bully feels they have more power than the victim. Maybe because of the bully’s economic, mental, psychological, social, or even educational level.
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The hurt inflicted by a bully does not have to be physical. Sometimes, words hurt more than bodily harm. Bullies normally use their words to dent their victim’s self-esteem before going physical on them.
After bullying, what is next for the bully?
Bullying has its consequences both on the bully and the victim. The effect of this act ranges from physical to psychological damage. The physical damage is most visible to people but little do we know that the psychological damage eats deep into the soul.
The natural response and attitude to bullies is to chastise them. We think the victims deserve more attention than the bullies. People think all bullies deserve is punishment. But do you know they deserve therapy, and counseling so that they do not become worse bullies or feel condemned to life?
If one thinks that the victim only suffers physical harm and does not strive to boost the victim’s morale, you might be breeding a potential bully. Bullies bully because they think that they are more powerful than their victims. A once-bullied victim can attain a position where they think that they are now in the position of bullying.
When handling a bullying case, condemn the act, not the person involved. Try not to blame the victim for not being strong enough to stand up to the bully, you might be inciting another bullying act. Do not make the victim feel weak or inferior to others just because they have been bullied, if you do that, you might in other words be telling them to to step up to the place of a bully.
Bullies should not be lauded but they should not be castigated or segregated either. Before a bully is introduced back to their peers after an act, they should have undergone counseling and therapy by the appropriate psychologists. They must take time off from their peers to become better.
Before bringing a bully to apologize to their victim, let them know the weight of their action and the consequences. Put them in the shoes of their victims and make sure they are at the point of remorsefulness. That way, you would not have to put words of apology in their mouth.
The bully’s perspective
Society frowns at bullying , the bully definitely receives castigation. There are a lot of accusing fingers pointing at bullies all the times. Well, one can say , shouldn’t they be blamed? They cannot shake off the dent. It is on their school record. The correctional facility can only do much if they separate the act from them.
The bully’s perspective tends to be overlooked. But tracing the source or motive behind the act is crucial. A bully’s background might be an influence. A bully can be a victim of a bigger bully. The moral of this article is that we review the decisions and motives made by bullies and not focus only on the act. That we make bullies better persons and not kill the goodness in them.
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